THE REALITY OF FANTASY SEX: Its in the Ignorance, Paying for Sex

Line-Up, Madam Kitty's Cathouse, 1998

The ‘Line Up’ in an American brothel in Nevada, our US legal sex tourism system!

Buying sexual service is always, by its very nature, morally problematic. When a punter rents a  person’s body for sexual use – irrespective of the tone of the advertisement or circumstance of the transaction – the only thing he can know with certainty about her is that she needs his money. However gushing her website is about loving men and loving sex (as though anyone, realistically, can be so indiscriminate in their sexual desire) the likelihood that this is a bargaining chip as opposed to a material reality, is reasonably high. A prostitute cannot decide on her ability to feel desirous toward a person based on a booking made over the internet, or a person who has yet to stroll through a brothel door. She also cannot decide on the extent to which she may feel indifferent, uncomfortable, repelled or even disgusted by each individual man who books her time. And the punter is unable, and often unwilling, to examine the nature of her feelings towards him in any real, substantive way.

And in any case, the interaction, by its very nature, is contingent upon this ignorance, and runs in direct conflict with any cultural notions of knowledge based consent. And it certainly cannot give rise to intimacy in anything but a shallow, performative fashion.

“You don’t need to necessarily enjoy having frequent sex with strangers, although if you do, it would be a bonus I guess […] You should be able to give the impression of enjoying it. Which I suppose doesn’t matter to the punter if you are actually enjoying it genuinely or not, as long as the [working girl] gives off the impression she does.”

The prostitute is dependent, for her trade, on this very performance. Even if the punter actually knows that she is unlikely to be enjoying it, he nonetheless wishes her to perform the enjoyment all the same. Both, one imagines, because he is capable of  a superficial postponing of reality in order to get his sexual fix, but also because the idea that she would perform for him out of need, gives him a feeling of self importance that he would not experience in mutual interaction.

The punters who are made the most out of by women who say they love the Game, however, are those who want her to pretend she is enjoying it, and want to pretend that to themselves too. Make no mistake, if they want to buy sex, they will, no question. However it suits some punter’s fragile and dissonant selves to recalibrate the interaction in their mind as intimacy. He will look out for superficial signals that the women he is renting will have the capacity to fancy and desire him, or at the very least, offer an all encompassing nurturing of his needs. Of course, anyone with half a shred of wisdom would understand that it is not possible to know what a prostitute really feels about him whilst he fucks her, as it is  her job to keep this from him. To protect him from any uncomfortable truths lurking behind the red curtains.

Indeed, punters sometimes express a desire, amongst themselves, for the payment part of the counter to be undermined. For the prostitute to not count it – as though to do so would effectively imply that a penny less would have her rejecting them or cutting their time. In doing so, she would be focusing his attention on the fact that he is running on a meter.

Punters also express a desire for the prostitute to behave like a hot bitch the minute he walks through the door, thusly expressing her untrammelled and unending sexual appetite. Sizing him up, gearing up, taking her time, would again dismantle the illusion. Heaven forbid she ever checks her watch, tells him time is nearly up, rolls her eyes, expresses tiredness or other discomfort.

“I used an agency in Manchester when I was away on business. I had booked an hour in with a stunning girl and after cumming in 15 mins she said ” u can only cum once babe”. I was gonna make her spend 45 mins slowly sucking my cock but ended up leaving as I felt so robbed. It was Bond girls agency. Name and shame! Power to the punter!”

I would wager that many punters begin their ‘hobbies’ with a sense of optimism about the possibility of buying desire. However, the exposure to signs, both small and large, from the women they are attempting to buy, eventually disabuse them of this notion. Telling him to slow down, ease off. Moving her mouth away when he tries to kiss her, or offering him the barest minimum in physical contact. Ushering him into the shower the moment he arrives, ushering him to the door the minute he ejaculates.

Once they are disabused, they don’t stop buying sex, instead they reorganise their thinking to become like those other punters. The ones that don’t care if she is expressive in her indifference or discomfort, or the ones who want her  to fake desire all the same. Indeed, this may be his sadistic victory over her ability to be sexual discerning. An affront, if there ever was one, to masculinist dominance. As I have argued before, men of this nature wish to see women as either desiring of all men, or none. Rejection of him individually, is not a option he can stomach. Hence, the never ending bounty of female porn stars in the perpetual throws of agonized orgasm. They are all either equally in pain at the sexual aggressions they suffer, or all equally in pleasure. It is never dependent on what is being done to them, or who is it being done by. Or rather with.

“Your chance of making a WG climax and having her cum is zero.You may think she is but she’s just being a good actress. Lying, faking and acting comes naturally to prostitutes”

In any case. He only knows for sure that she needs money, and he can probably surmise that there is a large possibility the sexual interaction is, at best, something she has to ‘get through’.

Examine the mentality for a moment of someone who is willing to engage, not only in penetration, but oral sex, kissing and displays of physical ‘intimacy’ with someone who may well be wracking her brain to go to her happy place. Or distracting herself by thinking about dinner. Or so disassociated that the interaction is fogged out like a figure caught in a sandstorm.

Wanting to know how someone feels during sex is an ordinary expression of humanity. However even if the punter temporarily kids himself of the real nature of the dynamic by asking her how she feels, the very context of prostitution nullifies any answer or action she might give in response. The rise of The Girlfriend Experience or The Porn star Experience is especially important in this regard. The need to perform comfort, even in the face of discomfort, is very much part of ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ made when the money is (casually) past from one hand to the other.

“[a pet hate] disinterested attitude, you are a hooker luv, doing this out of choice, at least pretend you are enjoying it.”

Whether or not the punter is rich, poor, young, old, sad, addicted, depressed , divorced or disabled his moral position remains the same. His willingness to utilise another person who may well be sick to her stomach at his touch is never vindicated by her need to smoke and mirror her true feelings. In fact, the more we glorify or justify prostitution in the cultural consciousness, the more wilfully  the prostitute needs to mask her discomforts and the more wanting the punter is in seeing her either fully repressed, or having to squirm.

Make no mistake, the need to prettify and sanitise this interaction is for the sole benefit of the ever demanding punter. Her unhappiness in this, is utterly irrelevant. He doesn’t know it. Or he doesn’t want to know it. He takes pleasure in it. Or he doesn’t care.

“I went with a 18yo Rom[anian] that not only just lied there but was eating M&M’s and playing Candy Crush on her phone while i was doing her missionary. Normally id’ve got annoyed. But the fact that she was a barely legal teen with a tiny body and cute face/pussy i emptied my load into her. “

All quotes taken from a UK based ‘punting’ site.

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