Once You See the Pattern, You Can’t UnSee It

I heard that line on one of my fav shows recently. Burn Notice is a detective story based in Miami which is why I first watched it. The saying hit home in many ways. As I go about life these days, it’s hard for me to focus on the bigger picture sometimes. There’s so many things going on in the world right now that I get the urge to want to help everyone, not just myself.

I guess that saying is the best way to explain how my opinions of porn changed so much. I guess it’s why I feel there’s so much cause and effect going on that it sometimes feels like I’m on a sinking ship. I was so happy to hear there’s people still out there that care and are fighting the battle with me. It’s just too much of a job for one person to try to undertake lol. I know 5 girls who are trying to get out of Porn Valley and that presses me too. I can’t help them when I’m barely surviving myself.

Yesterday, after I posted my entry, I lost my internet service and it just came back alittle while ago. I realized that I’m totally shut off from so many things in the world without my internet. I couldn’t look for a job, I had shipping labels to print out, there’s the emails to answer and then it’s also my entertainment. Really makes me realize how much internet is a part of our everyday lives. I’m not sure what we’d all do without it.

Elli came over last night and spent the night. That was exciting and fun to see her again. She’s looking great and was here to pick up more of her things. She also decided to take Mooey back with her this trip. I’m alittle sad today because I have to say goodbye to Mooey for awhile. It’s also going to be hard on Ze to make the adjustment of being the only pet in the house. Remember last time we went through a trial separation, she choked on grass and ended up at the vet. The good news is I’m not working right now so she’s got company. I’ll started getting her used to it tomorrow after Elli leaves so by the time I get a job, she won’t even notice when I’m gone

I headed out this morning to drop off those applications from Saturday. Two were really not actively hiring but that can always change in a day. The one that was hiring close to my home got filled as I stood waiting to talk to the owner. He was talking to the guy he hired as I waited. I walked home somewhat depressed thinking about how bad it is out there. Even a simple, minimum job is hard to find right now. There were 2 people before me and he hired them both. He said if one doesn’t work out, I’m next in line so that’s good at least I came home and found my internet finally working again. I put in 14 resumes online for admin type work. What frustrates me the most is desk jobs won’t hire me because I’m overqualified but that means my skills go to waste while I work a minimum wage job doing retail or restaurant. That really doesn’t make any sense to me and I don’t know how to get the admin employers to look at me any differently.

Let’s face it, there’s really no middle management left in America these days and that’s what I did. That and sales which are flat since everyone’s broke. I hate living on commissions anyway so I DON’T want to go back into sales, especially now. I talked to an old neighbor today and he’s in the same shape. He was in sales and wasn’t making much money. He got a big sale in and his boss stole his commission, no doubt because he was broke too. My friend is several thousand dollars behind in the mortgage on the house he bought right before we moved. I was happy to hear he’s trying one of those programs to save his house. The only problem is the only job he’s been able to get is as a part time waiter. This is what I’m talking about with these programs to save peoples homes. If they can’t earn a living, people like him will be right back to the drawing board in 6 months. If they can’t afford it now, what makes people think they can keep going at this pace.

Elli had to run an errand so I’ve got a few hours til she gets back. I figure we can have dinner and then they’ll have to get on their way. It was a tough day today thinking I didn’t get a job and couldn’t get more leads in with no internet. I figured I’d whip up an entry to let you know what’s going on in case I lose it again. It’s been a crappy Monday for me so I know this is kinda blah. I’m so bored and just want to work so bad. I sure wish someone would just give me the chance and the transportation issues would be okay. At least I had a few fans and friends this weekend who are going to send in some donations to help me out for the time being but most of my fans and friends are barely getting by too. I went and pawned my sonycam and GPS today. I’m still collecting for the rent coming up. Like I said, it’s just been a real crappy day all around except Elli being here which at least makes it bearable!!!

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